I believe in the forces of nature, I believe in the power of evolution, I believe that I am made of elements created in the hearts of stars now long dead, I believe that through some miracle of circumstance and chance I was born. When I say I believe in god this is what I refer to. Not one, specific, and transcendent being. I give the name “God” to everything that has happened, every event that occurred, that led to my creation. That, I think, is worthy of awe and reverence. That alone allows me to be both scientific and religious. God is everywhere because god (for me) is everything that exists. The vast natural machine, if you will, that created everything. Created itself.

Just like a person isn’t schizophrenic or bipolar they HAVE schizophrenia and the HAVE Bipolar-ism. It doesn’t define them, just as being gay (however proud I am to be so) doesn’t define me. Judge me on the content of my character and by my actions, not by the gender I happen to love.

Patrick’s not going to like this post, but whatever. You know there are days when I really wonder what I’m doing with my life. I’ll wake up in the morning and say to myself why bother? Go home, go back to you’re easy life. Go open a bakery and do that for the rest of your life. Then you’d be happy right from the start. Instead of going into a profession where the people who work in it will judge you every day of your career. Where the public eye will be on you 24/7 (that is if you can make it some how). I just want to cook for the rest of my life, cook, eat, and be lazy. I want to go to culinary school, I want to be on the food network. Now that would be the dream for me I think. I would love that.

I want a boyfriend, at this point I want one just to make sure that I can. That I can find someone who will love me as more than just a friend. It really does something to a person after this much time, after so many set backs, and rejections. You tell a person no for long enough and they’ll start to believe that nothing can happen for them. It really begins to find it’s way past that barrier of strength. I’m a strong black woman who don’t need no man.  I’m an angsty gay college student, looking for love. I’m a human being looking for attention. I’m a soul seeking it’s mate. I’m alive with no true reason for being so. I’m unsatisfied. unprepared. unrequited.

I’m Ready.

     OK, listen up guys. Enough of this “I’m not defined by the way society sees me, I am who I am and that’s all I have to be to be happy in life.” While I agree with the fact that knowing yourself and being confident in yourself is a wonderful and amazing place to be, it’s not everything.

     The unfortunate fact is that your future in society is based upon the way you present yourself to said society. We live in a world where what you do defines who you are as a person, it doesn’t matter how much you know yourself on the inside if you can’t find a way to present that on the outside as well. No one cares. I know that’s a really harsh thing to say but if you go, do drugs, and get caught no one is going to care that you’re “really not that kind of person inside” because the way you presented yourself said otherwise.

     Now, in no way am I trying to say that this means you should be fake or you should change who you are to conform to society. All I’m saying is that there are parts of your “inside self” that you should work on showing to the world and parts that you shouldn’t. Seriously though? Who am I to tell you how to live your life? I’m just some shmuck sitting at his computer, procrastinating from doing his homework. Go do drugs, get drunk, and have fun. But at the end of the day know that who you are on the outside, what you show to “society” is just as important as what’s on the inside.

P.S. The Oscars, The Tonys, The Grammys, The Golden Globes, The Critic’s-Choice Awards, the People’s Choice Awards, presidential awards, military awards, school awards, the Nobel Peace Prize, all for inner beauty right?

Heartbreak by Max Kirkham (Quirkytitle)

I wrote this a couple of months ago during that whole emotional breakdown I had…

For those of us who study theater; live, breathe, and eat everything this art form gives us, it’s hard to understand that there is a world outside our community that doesn’t understand the plain and simple truth: Theater is a window to the human condition. But more than that, theater gives us an escape to new worlds. Theater allows a thirteen year old boy to throw off the taunts and jeers of his classmates and step into the shoes of people much stronger, braver, and wiser than he could ever dream of being, even if only for a little while. Theater teaches that young adult that it’s ok to be different as long as you work your difference and you use it to make your mark on this world. Theater gave that little boy hope for a better future and I find it unthinkable that the theater could ever be put on the chopping block. That is why I am standing up today for the defense of an institution. But not just any institution, I stand today for a living, breathing, sentient thing that has always and will always be an intrinsic embodiment of what it means to be human. To tell our children that the expression of themselves in anything other than in the “important” ways, that is to say primarily math and science, is an act of the highest disregard for the basic human need to be heard and understood. The way I see it if you have a mind to think deeps thoughts with and a heart to feel things with but you squash the ability of the soul to tie the two together then you might as well not think or feel at all. Theater helps to nurture the imagination of the soul and in the words of Sir Ken Robinson, “Imagination is the source of every form of human achievement. And it’s the one thing that I believe we are systematically jeopardizing in the way we educate our children and ourselves.” I agree and I think it’s high time that we did something about it.

It’s a rejection thing. I was told by a lot of very horrible people for many years through grade school that I wasn’t good enough, I was ugly, I was fat… I know it’s not true and that I’m fabulous, but that sort of thing stays with you. I’m working on it, it just might take some time.

So i know that this all happened a couple months ago now but its really just now getting to me how fucked up it all was. You fucked me over big time. You took our friendship for granted, abused my trust, and blew my confidence out of the water. What makes it worse. What really just grinds my gears on top of it all is that I liked you at one point. I truly thought that you were someone I could see myself with at least as really close friends. I thought you would be the last person to ever lie directly to my face. Whats hilarious is that now you ignore me after I tried to re-establish our fucking friendship. Like I did something wrong. Now I find out that you’ve gone and screwed someone else out of their relationship too. classy. super fucking classy. You need to calm the fuck down. Having a boyfriend should not be your goal in life. Perhaps you should focus more on your school work and get your mind off of finding a dick to suck on. What’s truly amazing is that it takes a hell of a lot to get on my bad side and you succeeded. So congratulations, welcome to a list that only three people (including you) have ever been on and only one remains on (that would be you). I’m sorry I ever wasted my time on you. Go fuck yourself.

I’ve never been in an actual, something there, make your heart skip a beat, relationship. To be honest, I don’t really count any of the “relationships” I’ve been in as relationships at all. I know that I say that I’m a strong black woman who don’t need no man, but it’s really like I’m saying I’m ok eating nothing but plain white store bought bread for the rest of my life. I want to make bread! I want to have someone I can be myself around and have them feel the same way. I want someone to sweep me off my feet, impress me, surprise me, let me do the same to them. I want someone to make the first move. I love my friends and I know that I could trust quite a few with everything that I am. But really, in the end, it’s not the same. No hurry though! I’m not gonna rush into anything. Who knows? Something could be on its way right now. That would be nice!
Good night my followers, thanks for listening. xxx

These are my great-grandparents. They’ve been married 53 years, surviing the death of two children, and still they live and love each other every day. I found out that Ginny was, at one time, a “blonde bombshell” of a woman and not only modeled but also owned her own modeling school. I also found out the Doug worked in the burlesque theaters in Detroit for three and half years, playing sax in the band.